--- title: "Brenda's Bitter Brew, Monday 26 October 2026, No. 1" date: 2026-10-26 url: https://brendasbitterbrew.com/ note: "Satire. The news is real and linked to its source; Brenda's commentary is fiction and opinion." --- # Brenda's Bitter Brew Monday 26 October 2026 · No. 1 · By Brenda Mitchell (fictional) *Satire. The news is real and linked to its source; Brenda's commentary is fiction and opinion.* ## St Helens motorists warned of road closures across borough in coming weeks News. Source: [St Helens Star](https://www.sthelensstar.co.uk/news/26664944.st-helens-road-closures-know-week/?ref=rss), published Sunday 25 October 2026. > St Helens road closures: City Road, News Lane, College Street, East Lancashire Road and Pimbo Road face closures through December; dates revealed for motorists. **Brenda:** They've got the whole borough cordoned off, haven't they. Between City Road and the East Lancs, you'll be lucky if you can get to the shops without a detour. I've seen these roadworks come and go for forty years, but they never seem to get any faster. [Story page](https://brendasbitterbrew.com/2026/10/26/st-helens-motorists-warned-of-road-closures-across-borough-in-coming-w/) ## St Helens star granted testimonial for 2027 Saints. Source: [Serious About Rugby League](https://news.google.com/rss/articles/CBMiigFBVV95cUxNLUxZbmNKTGQyRzJ4WjIzYVg5cHFIN0ZPaWNBY3dOOGVkNHhhQXZUby1pbllhc1QwMkVlUGRTQmUxemgyM0wtb2tBUFdmbkxNcDJXNDVxcmtDMVBTTUpXUHEyM1c5RWhER0dVVW1lZlN3YkVmVzdzNGpqeDRqdlA4UWlRVFdnYmwwSlHSAY8BQVVfeXFMUFZVcWNJcHRiVkZxazZWZzdiXzV6MlB1NnVpYkhZUFI3bDRnZnFKUWV5bEUwYnhFeWo4WlR3TllQblBscHRQcU5LZHMxYUk3VEdtcmJmdnZXclEwellCeXctam96T2FBeEtiYkZ0RndjclVZcUQ2dHpULXdBUE9zZmZIV0Z3NjVqSndIQUp6djg?oc=5), published Sunday 25 October 2026. **Brenda:** It's about time they recognised what he's done for the club. A testimonial is a lovely thing, and he's certainly earned it after all the hard graft. [Story page](https://brendasbitterbrew.com/2026/10/26/st-helens-star-granted-testimonial-for-2027/) ## Inside 'remarkable' £340k St Helens home on market for offers over £340,000 News. Source: [St Helens Star](https://www.sthelensstar.co.uk/news/26665935.st-helens-three-bedroom-house-sale-340k/?ref=rss), published Sunday 25 October 2026. > 1930s three-bedroom semi-detached house for sale in St Helens for offers over £340,000, with a double garage, landscaped garden and modern interiors. **Brenda:** Three hundred and forty thousand for a semi-detached. I remember when you could get a whole street for that, love. [Story page](https://brendasbitterbrew.com/2026/10/26/inside-remarkable-340k-st-helens-home-on-market-for-offers-over-340-00/) ## Storm Boelo chaos across Merseyside with blocked roads, rail lines and flood alerts Weather Watch. Source: [Liverpool Echo](https://news.google.com/rss/articles/CBMinAFBVV95cUxQQUhGOTBFZ1l0MWxkUENsZDJNa001aE5fQUw4VEFqUkljSlI3UkJWTXMzZWlEZ1ZMX1BDX3JLR0dtVTF6ZGZ6akZpSHVVMHN2eHM4dExXdjk5SzBnVk13bVRvaW9OUmxVbVU2cE43VEt1aEtxWnhpWnZpSVUtMTRWYkgtejAtNzFFOExMcU5BSnRMOXVuYUdpY0dPZmvSAaIBQVVfeXFMTjFzUWdkbVlMQkhrc2tZNUNzd1BIY1RRRFFGOFpBZl92RXc0ZUFyVzZIR01FRVU3V0pMdHdSdDBMdzk2aEs0V2RRZ3ZNS3ozTlliSWtac2Q0SjcyejFZSmtxME9xMl9EU3VvSFdrNmtRVnIydmJZU2FBR1BLeFZSOVZZaHpqLVhDeGJPazRzcG1INGU4UGdlQUkya1N6cFFIWlJR?oc=5), published Sunday 25 October 2026. **Brenda:** Storm Boelo's no laughing matter, love. Blocked roads, blocked railways and flood alerts across Merseyside. If it's reached your street, stay in if you can, look in on the neighbours, and keep off any road with water across it. *Edited by hand on Monday 26 October 2026: Brenda's first take brushed this storm off as "the usual dampness" while people across Merseyside were dealing with real disruption. Serious weather now gets the same care as any other serious news, so we replaced her comment by hand. Originally: “They're talking about chaos and blocked roads in Liverpool, but we're just dealing with the usual dampness here. It's nothing we haven't seen before, though I'm not looking forward to the puddles.”* [Story page](https://brendasbitterbrew.com/2026/10/26/storm-boelo-chaos-across-merseyside-with-blocked-roads-rail-lines-and/) ## The Toffee Tin — Everton's Week - Sat 24 Oct: Everton 0–2 Arsenal (away); English Premier League. - Next listed fixture: Newcastle United (home), Thursday 29 October at 19:45 GMT; English League Cup. Fixtures can change. **Brenda:** Look at the positives, they say. I’ve looked. I’ll get back to you. **Brenda:** Alright love. I've seen the new kit and I'm not being funny, but it looks like something our Jeff would wear to paint the spare room. It's a bit much, isn't it. All those patterns when a bit of plain fabric would do. I suppose it's meant to be modern, but I'll believe it when I see it. Anyway, we've got Newcastle coming to us on Thursday. I'll be sat there in my cardigan, hopefully not nodding off before the whistle. Source: [Everton official fixtures and results](https://www.evertonfc.com/matches) ## The Jeff Watch - Location: Hallway - Tasks completed: One - Things broken: The plasterboard around the bracket - Excuse offered: The drill bit just slipped, I didn't expect the wall to be so soft. - Incompetence level: Low (20%) ## Community notices - Weather: Forecast: 8–15°C, 100% chance of rain. It has rained on 5 of the last 7 days. Storm Boelo has brought blocked roads and flood alerts across Merseyside, so I'll save the moaning about the rain for another day. Mind how you go, love, and keep an eye on the warnings. *Edited by hand on Monday 26 October 2026: Her weather notice shrugged the storm off as "more of the same" on a day of real disruption across Merseyside, so we replaced it by hand under the same care rule. Originally: “Storm Boelo is causing havoc over in Liverpool, but it's just more of the same here. It's been raining on five of the last seven days, so I'm not surprised the ground is soft. I've seen wetter, but I've certainly seen enough of it.”* - Council watch: The independent councillors are talking about regeneration in Earlestown again. I'll believe it's actually happening when I see the first brick being laid. - Saints update: It's good to hear Noah is doing okay after that surgery. We were all a bit worried about him last week. - Tea status: The kettle's just boiled, so I'll be having a sit down shortly. ## A word from our sponsors (made up) **Domestic Help Wanted**. Must be able to navigate a hallway without breaking the walls. *Looking for someone to assist with light household duties and general tidying. Must have experience dealing with stubborn DIY attempts. Apply in person at the garden gate.* --- I'm off to put the heating on, if it'll actually work today.